How can I be a better man?
Nov. 29, 2020


On Thanksgiving day I awoke late in my warm, soft bed. Following Thich Nhat Hahn’s advice I brought a half-smile to my face, soaked in the warmth, and felt my breath for a few moments. Then, in the spirit of the holiday, I made a cup of coffee and sat down to do what my therapist has been telling me to do for years. I created a gratitude journal. Turns out I have a lot to be thankful for. I mean, A LOT a lot. Enough to fill up a couple of journal pages before I stopped, and I know I didn’t reach the end. So I thought I would share it here.


I am very healthy. At age 42, I only take one prescription medication daily (I also take a vitamin), and that is for my depression. I recently stopped taking my daily Nexium (antacid) with minimal ill effects. I’m wondering if cutting back on meat is the cause. (UPDATE: Thanksgiving day killed my guts, and I had to run out to buy some Nexium! But I don’t think I’ll need it long-term)


 I have a wonderful, loving, supportive wife. Not only is she beautiful and hands-down the absolute best fuck I’ve ever had in my life, she is smart and interesting. And she is totally onboard and supportive of all of my weirdness, this blog obviously included!

I have three amazing, bright, good-natured, beautiful children. They continually surprise and delight me.

Both of my parents are still alive, together, and relatively healthy. My dad nearly died of COVID a month ago but is nearly back to full activity. My mom will probably kick around forever. We have our differences and our hangups, but it is a blessing to have them still in my life.


 I have two hands and a know-how to fix and build stuff. I’m feeling an urge to DIY. My dad and I are tackling a big project this week–a tree house! (UPDATE: It’s almost done and is AMAZING! I’ll post about it on here later.) 

I have an amazing skill-set that provides real value to people and is exceedingly profitable. I am in a position, now that I am awake to the need, to rapidly pay down my debt & get myself rather quickly out of the income prison I built for myself! I am curious to see how I will feel about work once I no longer have to do it to survive.

I have an intelligent, curious mind and a heart full of love. I have a desire to better myself and the world.


I live in the world at the absolute best time to be born a human being. Despite the problems we are facing, and they are substantial, the world is overall a better place than it’s ever been.

I live in a country where democracy still exists. It felt touch and go for a while, but our laws and our systems and norms are prevailing. Again we have work to do here, but I have hope that it’s doable.

I know other men who are committed to being better men. Sosh is traveling with me on this journey. I’m so goddam proud of him. My Evryman group (I’ll share more about Evryman later) is a god-send. They have essentially replaced my therapist for a fraction of the cost.

Despite a creaking back and weird, unexplained muscle spasms, I feel good. Really good. Like fucking Ice Cube. “I gotta say it was a good day…”